The heat is oppressive. A tangible, malicious force pressing me further into the car seat. Even with the air conditioning on high, my clothes feel like an extra layer of moist skin. My sweltering, pregnant girlfriend is nearly panting, she keeps leaning forward as if proximity will make the air vents work better. She turns to me with tired eyes, "Babe, we really need to move out of Florida". I agree immediately. This is the moment that decides it. My mother had a similar moment when I was small. Tho, her aversion was to the cold and snow. I don't understand it. I vaguely recall the incident, my mother was driving my younger brother and I home from somewhere. The road was covered in snow, we ended up sliding into a ditch. That was when my mother decided she couldn't deal with another New York winter.
My moment was in my car, stuck at yet another red light. The drinks we had bought twenty minutes previously already warm. I'm waiting for my poor testicles to wither into prunes, or just explode like an egg in the microwave. You're welcome for that visual, dear Reader. How can anyone be comfortable in this weather? How can anyone enjoy being covered in sweat eleven months out of the year? Even worse is the bubble of humidity floating around me like Pigpen's dirt cloud. People really like this shit?
When I talk about leaving Florida, the first thing people say is always, "You'll be sorry when you're shoveling snow all day". Really? All day? I think not. I don't want to live on the north fucking pole, wrestling Santa's feral elves for the last scrap of caribou meat. I don't want to live on Pluto anymore than I want to live on Mercury. I'm thinking Virgina, or maybe one of the Carolinas. Somewhere with four seasons. Especially somewhere with a good autumn.
You have know idea the mental/emotional high I get during a good autumn. The colors of the leaves, the crisp chill in the air. I can close my eyes and be there. I feel content, yet invincible in this place. I want to be outside, in some forgotten forest. That's why I read a lot of books that take place in a fantasy setting. That life seems so simple when you really think about it. That's my favorite part of those books, picturing the everyday life of the characters. Not the heroes, I don't want to have to fight a goddamn dragon or kill an evil wizard or something. Just live in peace. No internet, no cellphones, no television. Hunting food for my family. I talk a lot of shit, but the thought of skinning a deer makes me want to fucking puke. So my unlucky family would probably starve to death unless they learned some survival skills. I'm not exactly an outdoorsman.
I tell my girlfriend this stuff and she just says something like, "How did you go from talking about a hot car to fighting witches?" No babe, wizards and dragons, witches are just- "..." Nevermind. We tease each other a lot, but she puts up with my quirks, and lets me be me. Something I didn't realize was important until I met her. Not that she's without her own quirks, and at least her pregnant cravings are healthy(fruit), instead of unhealthy(soap). All I hear is every mother's curse, "I hope you have a kid that's just like you..."
"Says it feels right this time
Turned it 'round and found the right line
Good day to be alive sir
Good day to be alive he said.." --Metallica
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