I've decided to reignite the barrel fire that was my old blog. We'll have some new ideas, new jokes, we'll mix in some ketchup and a can of beans and we'll make some hobo chili. You'll notice, since you followed the link, that I haven't posted here since 2012. I wasn't waiting for the world to end like the Mayans predicted (wrongly). Life happens. But I'll wait here if you want to go back and read the old ones. Really, it's ok. I'll just go heat up some taquitos and wait for you to finish. You're back? Good. As you can see, it's not all funny. There's some drama that creeps in there like kudzu vines, but I like to keep a lighthearted atmosphere. Closer to a stand up routine and farther from the atmosphere of a Trump colonoscopy. (They found his head! Ha Ha! And maybe a reason for his weird, tiny hands.) See I made a politics joke. That won't happen too often, mostly because I don't follow politics, I know I should, but I don't.
I'll probably offend some people occasionally. The offensive jokes are usually the most hilarious, so they'll be sprinkled in like bacon bits on a word salad. Most of the time, I'll probably just be making fun of myself. I'll keep the comments active for now, but just keep it civil. You disagree with me and think I'm an asshole? Cool, let's talk about it. I'm not going to be mean just to be a shit head, so I hope you'll exhibit the same behavior. If I relay a story of yours (I'll give you credit for it), and it offends you, or is too personal, "Dude, I didn't appreciate you talking about my wandering testicle". (Sorry Danny), I can remove the content, unless it's really fucking funny.
That's another thing; I'm going to curse a lot. I have small children and I can't curse at home. So you get to be my verbal dump bucket for anything profane I can come up with. Hopefully you'll have as much fun with this as I will. My blogs will usually be titled with a movie quote and end with a song lyric. Most things I write about will probably be heavily biased toward certain subjects, but it's my fucking blog, so deal with it. I'll do my best not to sound like every other doucheketeer with a whiny "Dear Diary" style blog.
I won't gt too personal, but I'll deliver portions of my life in easy to digest, bite sized chunks. First spice rubbed, then pan seared. My father was a chef, so food is wrapped around most of my thoughts, like a snuggly blanket around a lil smokie. After I wrote that last sentence I zoned out and thought about lil smokie's four about four minutes. There's some brutal honesty for you. I'm hesitant to make a solid blog schedule. Life gets busy with a family and a full time job (not this). I'll try to post one once a week, maybe twice if I have time and you've had all your vegetables.
"It's close to midnight,
And something evil's lurking in the dark.
Under the moonlight,
You see a sight that almost stops your heart" --Michael Jackson
